“I was constrained…”
-strange
verb, let’s look into it: to compel, to
confine, to restrain. Forced;
unnatural. On the face of the definition
and of what we know about how much God and the Spirit honor our agency, it is a
curiously strong word to use. We know
Nephi was not mandated to kill Laban in the sense that his will was taken and
he was forced. He had a choice to obey
God, but clearly the will of God was made known. As a reflection on Nephi’s obedient
character, it is probable that he recognized that he really did not have a
“choice”. God’s way is the right way and
must be obeyed. Like Joseph Smith who
said in essence: I’ve made this my rule,
when God speaks, I obey, Nephi chose to use the word “constrained” in making
his account because it was something he naturally would not have done (as his
later wrestling with the Spirit proves) but also something that he felt must be
done because God spoke it. This is to be
constrained.
“constrained
that I should kill Laban…”
-oh
my! There are many things to pay
attention to here. Nephi has just been directed
to do something that he has been told all his life is a sin. Several questions arise:
1. How can this command be from God? He has told us, as one of the basic 10
commandments, not to kill
2. Is not God, who changes not and cannot
contradict himself, contradicting himself?
3. Why
the command to kill, couldn’t this be accomplished by tying Laban up or
otherwise getting rid of him without killing?
All these questions deserve and earn answers in the
following verses.
“by the
Spirit”
-this
phrase is of primary importance to understanding everything else in or relating
to this experience and revelation. Nephi
had, by this time, fostered his ability to communicate with God enough to know
what the Sprit was, how it sounded and if it was indeed the Sprit and not an
unfriendly source. Most of us struggle
to hear, much less distinguish between the Holy Ghost and other spirits. There is a great need to be familiar and
conversant with the Spirit of God. I
would suppose that Nephi’s course of action (obedience to the promptings)
rested largely –although there were other pertinent struggles- on knowing that
the direction originated in God. In our
struggles to hear and identify the voice or direction of the Spirit thee is no
substitute for experience and experience with the Holy Ghost comes from
consistent obedience and righteous living.
“but”
-if we
can ever be so judgmental as to attempt to accuse Nephi of wavering in keeping
the commandments of God, here it is. In
this “strange” and “unique” command Nephi questions the Spirit instead of
proceeding in his typical unquestioning way.
But let’s look at this as a strength rather than a shortcoming: The command was so contrary to what he had
learned and knew about God that he was going to be sure of it’s correctness
before he carried it to completion.
"...but
I said in my heart..."
-Nephi
"talked back" to the Spirit how?
IN HIS HEART!!! This should clue
us into the way in which we receive and send communication to the Spirit and
the Godhead.
-Nephi’s
deliberation was in his heart not his head.
This is of tremendous importance.
Our deliberations should, likewise, be through the Spirit, where we have
a connection to an intelligence much higher than our own rather than relying on
our own capacities of reason and logic.
While important and God given, the logic and reason of man –even the
most sophisticated and “advanced”- is far short of God’s. Man’s logic and reasoning has brought us
brutal eras and harmful philosophies where, it seems, man’s behavior toward man
slips to sub-human levels.
“never at any
time have I shed the blood of man.”
-Here Nephi declares his
innocence and obedience to the commandments of God: “Thou shalt not kill.” He knows the commandment, is obedient to it
and probably honors it. But his strength is that he will not shut himself off
to continuing instruction and teachings. Are we so humble? If we are not, there is a limit to our
usefulness as instruments in God’s hands.
“and would
that I might not…”
-Nephi did not say “No, I won’t!”
but like Christ in Gethsemane, he (if it were his choice/option) would rather
not do this thing. He wished that there
were another way.
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